diary entries

april 26 2008

I want to tear laugh after laugh from him…I want to punish him...torture him...

Because he does… I want him to light up when I talk to him...I feed on that wistful smile on his… I hate him half the time for making me want him when he certainly doesn’t...he knows it; it seems and takes it so very lightly...or maybe he thinks that it is only light flirting…that how could I the smurf albeit a knowledgeable one be capable of any passion at all...I suppose I am all wit, sarcasm...talk...coffee person to him…the rest of the time I m too lost to care of how he makes me want him…what he makes me feel and how unfair it is…its only his laugh...his smile...his half open mouth...his awkward eyebrows...his eyes all knowing...his adamant tries at making me accept that what he is saying is that he knows...with those eyes…with that smile restrained…held back by knowledge and playfulness...why mock me so??...once we were standing outside the library...the meeting lasted only for about 5 minutes...he came out and then as if he had to (always has to occupy his hands)goes on to touch this flower…the only one left standing in the waste over a platform...I thought in that moment...

“You are again reminding me of how tangible you are isn't it? That just as I could reach out and touch that flower...I would but have to stretch my hand and yes! It would find there...your cheek smooth...your lips full…if I were to hug u now...I’d be able to feel all you are beneath the damned cotton...”

He’s all gallant…an Aquarian trait…always offers to pick up things...well at least he remembers that I happen to be female...the girls were commenting on how I look so much better...fat load of change in just 1 week…cant help it I was so pressed for time.. :shrugs:

I have exams coming…had to get that out of my system in order to get down to any productive studying...I am on one hell of sinusoid...a roller coaster of alternating emotions …there are times I wonder if he is decent at all. He’s such a goddamn mystery…Aquarians are famed for asking 1001 questions and never providing any answers of their own...and they say Gemini is the most confusing sign...he’ll never say it ...you have to figure it out...that’s the godamn game...I was hoping to get bored of his all knowing thing…of his hints...yada yada yada...I should be wished luck…loads of it…there may still be hope for me